The call to adventure was Alaskan salmon fishing. I answered, terrified but eager. Now I walk through the threshold of every new door, everything a new adventure. In new adventures there are opposing forces, both internal and external, that pose as threshold guardians. These guardians enrich the journey, teaching the hero something about the world, and themselves. One of my first obstacles was my plane delaying, the guardian was the ticket lady.
While she was helpful, she was stressed, everyone in the terminal was. Several flights had been delayed and as a result tension seeped from every humans pores. When I finally was able to speak with her, I did everything I could to keep a calm temperament. I realized the situation was rough, she needed no more guff from me. I let her do her business, attempting to help me get to Alaska. While it took close to a hour, I remained calm, feeling the fire from a growing line of angry passengers behind me. I was tempted several times to snap. Not only at the lady, but the impending crowd breathing down my neck, cursing with rage that they were another few hours behind from their busy schedule. The tension was high, and to say I was stressed would not be far from accurate. I'm not blowing my own horn here, because I think there is very little difference between externally showing anger, and internalizing it. My only victory here was my ability to bottle the pressure.
Finally, the wait was over. I passed the guardians test of patience: I was given a free night stay in a high class hotel and a meal while I waited until the next day for a flight.
In truth, I didn't ever realize this until I was already in the hotel, eating my free food. Traveling alone offers the solace of reflection. It's exciting, but lonely. One of my goals has been to view life more like a story, I have forced myself to look at things differently. So far, less than a day in my new journey, I'm glad I did. Yet I know this little victory only furth opens the door for more obstacles. Some of which, I'm bound to fail. That will be the true test of my meddle. Can I fail with grace, ask for forgiveness, rise again and work harder to pass the test? Writing these questions frightens me. Paralyzed at this thought, I prepare for my next guardian, test and failure
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Avengers, Joss Whedon, and Our need for Stories.
Joss Whedon has had a following since the 90's. The man knows how to tell a story. That being said, I had very little interest in his work until well after most of it came out. Not a fan of Buffy or Angel and I caught on to Firefly about 9 years to late. I did jump on the Dr. Horrible wagon relatively fast, but that was during the writers strike, and I think the internet blew it up so quickly that I had to see it.
Since I started using Netflix about a year ago, I have discovered there is an over-saturation of terrible TV and movies out there. There are plenty of gems out there as well, but be honest for one second, do you watch every single title that pops up on your screen from Netflix?
That got me thinking. I've watched the entire Firefly series several times over the last 12 months, and it is not the first series that I've done that with. Avatar: The Last Airbender(the animated series), 30 Rock, Scrubs, Arrested Development, and soon I'll revisit Lost, are just a few titles that I've seen many times over. I love revisiting a favorite series once and a while, but where are the new shows that explode on the screen and capture the audience? I look over the titles on Netflix and I am found wanting. I'd like to be immersed into a new adventure of character and plot. I'd kill for something like that. Which brings me to Joss Whedon and his new movie, The Avengers.
Holy Cow was that movie good. Often, I'll head to theaters to watch a blockbuster with high hopes, only for them to be dashed on the rocky shores of poor plot and weak character development. For the Avengers, that was not the case. All the main characters had great motivation and development. Something I did not expect. As a matter of fact, I went into the theater expecting a Spiderman 3 syndrome of too many pots and not enough hands to churn them well. I was especially surprised with the Hulk. Often times he has been portrayed, by good actors, as a meat headed monster. Joss did an amazing job of allowing Bruce Banner to actually build into the Hulk.
Overall, the movie wove the headlining heroes stories together very well. Setting up sequels, and adding depth to rather weak franchises. My hope is that Joss stays on for the sequel, because I fear great stories switching hands.
I'm certain we need great tales to soak up and divalge in, because we look for them so intently. When we find a bard that we can give our full attention to, storytellers like Whedon, Nolan, and Spielberg, we cling to their work for dear life. We trust these few to continue to give us great fables that one day our children will love. Think about it, I'm sure you have a favorite show or two. I believe the reason we have these love affairs with series is because they tell us fundamental truths about ourselves. We project ourselves as the hero and live through their experiences, seeing ourselves in the good traits they have. When we see a villain we hate, it can be because it is our worst nightmare of what we could become. We may not be a manipulative demi-god who throws the world into jeopardy by opening portals at the opposite end of the universe, but maybe you know a person who craves attention so deeply that they are willing to do terrible things for it.
In the end my desire for better stories on Netflix comes down to my desire to experience the world through a new perspective that can speak some truth, and mystery, about life. I tip my hat to Joss for his exceptional telling of The Avengers. I'm officially a Whedon fan now, hoping for great things to come from him. The most important lesson I learned as a writer, is that exciting characters and stories can be made even out of old, well known archetypes. It rejuvenates me for the drive to invent new characters as a result. If they can do reboot old characters, you can create new ones.
Since I started using Netflix about a year ago, I have discovered there is an over-saturation of terrible TV and movies out there. There are plenty of gems out there as well, but be honest for one second, do you watch every single title that pops up on your screen from Netflix?
That got me thinking. I've watched the entire Firefly series several times over the last 12 months, and it is not the first series that I've done that with. Avatar: The Last Airbender(the animated series), 30 Rock, Scrubs, Arrested Development, and soon I'll revisit Lost, are just a few titles that I've seen many times over. I love revisiting a favorite series once and a while, but where are the new shows that explode on the screen and capture the audience? I look over the titles on Netflix and I am found wanting. I'd like to be immersed into a new adventure of character and plot. I'd kill for something like that. Which brings me to Joss Whedon and his new movie, The Avengers.
Holy Cow was that movie good. Often, I'll head to theaters to watch a blockbuster with high hopes, only for them to be dashed on the rocky shores of poor plot and weak character development. For the Avengers, that was not the case. All the main characters had great motivation and development. Something I did not expect. As a matter of fact, I went into the theater expecting a Spiderman 3 syndrome of too many pots and not enough hands to churn them well. I was especially surprised with the Hulk. Often times he has been portrayed, by good actors, as a meat headed monster. Joss did an amazing job of allowing Bruce Banner to actually build into the Hulk.
Overall, the movie wove the headlining heroes stories together very well. Setting up sequels, and adding depth to rather weak franchises. My hope is that Joss stays on for the sequel, because I fear great stories switching hands.
I'm certain we need great tales to soak up and divalge in, because we look for them so intently. When we find a bard that we can give our full attention to, storytellers like Whedon, Nolan, and Spielberg, we cling to their work for dear life. We trust these few to continue to give us great fables that one day our children will love. Think about it, I'm sure you have a favorite show or two. I believe the reason we have these love affairs with series is because they tell us fundamental truths about ourselves. We project ourselves as the hero and live through their experiences, seeing ourselves in the good traits they have. When we see a villain we hate, it can be because it is our worst nightmare of what we could become. We may not be a manipulative demi-god who throws the world into jeopardy by opening portals at the opposite end of the universe, but maybe you know a person who craves attention so deeply that they are willing to do terrible things for it.
In the end my desire for better stories on Netflix comes down to my desire to experience the world through a new perspective that can speak some truth, and mystery, about life. I tip my hat to Joss for his exceptional telling of The Avengers. I'm officially a Whedon fan now, hoping for great things to come from him. The most important lesson I learned as a writer, is that exciting characters and stories can be made even out of old, well known archetypes. It rejuvenates me for the drive to invent new characters as a result. If they can do reboot old characters, you can create new ones.
Linkage
Fantastic storytelling insight from the wise Hulk: Hulksmash
Most read books in the world: Read-o-meter (where the heck are the Koran, Bhagavad Gita?)
25 things I think everyone should know about storytelling. Story-o-matic (beware of the vulgarities...)
A few movies I look forward to this summer:
Hey, have a good weekend, mkay?
Monday, April 30, 2012
Unable to Sleep
Unable to sleep, I post a few morsels. Enjoy.
J.J. Abrams talks about mystery
A vision of beauty in time lapse form.
Dramatic Sea Cliffs. Go ahead, jump...
Short and sweet. Couple of things that are keeping me up!
Friday, April 27, 2012
Discovery:Inventum
Over the last four or five years, I've dedicated myself to learning how to make a great story. I've read a number of the go-to books on the subject, consumed stories by both watching films and reading books/scripts, and I've written many, many short scripts. Yet, all the studying has been in vain because I think there is a major aspect I overlooked. Everyone has a story. Not necessarily something written or told, but rather, something we live. I have not actively lived my story.
(Books you should read to help you understand your story: Story, The Writer's Journey, and Wild at Heart)
Since this revelation a short time ago, I've decided I want to discover the source, the great meaning behind my own personal story. I think we are all given a purpose, and I think we all fulfill that function whether or not we desire to. Yeah, that is a tough pill to swallow if you believe we are destined to run our own lives. Some would argue it takes out the mystery of the journey, because they assume where they are right now could very well be what the end is like.
But that very state of mind could be the much needed call to adventure you long for deep in your heart. If you don't like your circumstances, perhaps you should change them. I've been disheartened by the post-college world. You are expected to get a job, maybe you change that job once or twice in your career, but otherwise, you are set for life. Prepared to go and finish. That is honorable, and I respect people who can do that. But that is not me. I need a malleable, shifting, mystery to follow in order to feel I have meaning. The unknown is so captivating to me, that I must at least attempt to lasso and gaze deep into it.
The great mystery, I think, is God's plan. We have no clue how our lives are going to end up. He knows where to set the edge just where we aren't looking. The beckoning into this sweeping mystery is often referred to as the call to adventure. It's one of those places where we may believe we have everything planned out and under control, but God has another plan.
I was going to make a short film. Something that I've desired to do for a long time now. It's no news to anyone that I wanted to do this. I'm a film major, its what I'm expected to do. Make some content, either written or visual, and use it as a stepping stone into the next tier of professionalism. The short film will have to wait. I was recently given the opportunity to hop on an airplane, travel 3,500 miles to the northwest Pacific, and become a deckhand on an Alaskan fishing boat.
(One of the boats in the fleet I'll be fishing in)
I've never fished before, let alone been to Alaska and the prospect both frightens and thrills me. It is the ultimate mystery. One of the best aspects about this journey, is my captains interest in documenting his work through video. He wants me to produce videos about the daily work of an Alaskan fishing boat.
Now, this isn't a line of work to be taken lightly, as I've been told. The hours can range from 16-24+ hour days. The work is physically strenuous; often requiring deckhands to pull nets full of a legion of fish for the above listed amount of hours, and on top of the physically demanding side, there is not a lot of room for error. The crew and captain, most likely, have been doing this work for many years. They will expect nothing less than great work 100% of the time.
The end result to working through the season can be very lucrative, but I seek something more than money. It's that journey, that discovery. In Latin, one word for discovery is inventum. I love the root word; invent. In English, it leads you to think "create." Create your discovery. Inventum. I am on the edge of this great story.
I'd like to write about my journey with reference to the concepts, ideas, and steps of story. The first Act is ready to begin. I know the stakes of the journey, at least in part. There could be even greater ones that are unforeseen by me at this moment, but that will only enrich the experience. It's a mystery, even if I know the setting is a fishing boat in Alaska. That alone holds enough of the unknown to me that it is exciting.
If you want to experience life as exciting, wrap your head around the fact that you live a story. It isn't just a mundane set of events every day. Rather, every new day can be seen as an adventure. You wake up, it's time for work. You know the setting, but the work could be very different today. Will Jack come over to my desk and give me a few stupid anecdotes about his golfing? Will my boss recognize the work I've done today? Will my computer die on me while working on an important presentation?
Everything can be a mystery. The stakes can be high. Don't allow yourself to settle for anything less than a great story. Starting at the end of this month, mine will begin by jumping on a plane to Alaska.
I hope you come back to share in my journey.
(Books you should read to help you understand your story: Story, The Writer's Journey, and Wild at Heart)
Since this revelation a short time ago, I've decided I want to discover the source, the great meaning behind my own personal story. I think we are all given a purpose, and I think we all fulfill that function whether or not we desire to. Yeah, that is a tough pill to swallow if you believe we are destined to run our own lives. Some would argue it takes out the mystery of the journey, because they assume where they are right now could very well be what the end is like.
But that very state of mind could be the much needed call to adventure you long for deep in your heart. If you don't like your circumstances, perhaps you should change them. I've been disheartened by the post-college world. You are expected to get a job, maybe you change that job once or twice in your career, but otherwise, you are set for life. Prepared to go and finish. That is honorable, and I respect people who can do that. But that is not me. I need a malleable, shifting, mystery to follow in order to feel I have meaning. The unknown is so captivating to me, that I must at least attempt to lasso and gaze deep into it.
The great mystery, I think, is God's plan. We have no clue how our lives are going to end up. He knows where to set the edge just where we aren't looking. The beckoning into this sweeping mystery is often referred to as the call to adventure. It's one of those places where we may believe we have everything planned out and under control, but God has another plan.
I was going to make a short film. Something that I've desired to do for a long time now. It's no news to anyone that I wanted to do this. I'm a film major, its what I'm expected to do. Make some content, either written or visual, and use it as a stepping stone into the next tier of professionalism. The short film will have to wait. I was recently given the opportunity to hop on an airplane, travel 3,500 miles to the northwest Pacific, and become a deckhand on an Alaskan fishing boat.
I've never fished before, let alone been to Alaska and the prospect both frightens and thrills me. It is the ultimate mystery. One of the best aspects about this journey, is my captains interest in documenting his work through video. He wants me to produce videos about the daily work of an Alaskan fishing boat.
Now, this isn't a line of work to be taken lightly, as I've been told. The hours can range from 16-24+ hour days. The work is physically strenuous; often requiring deckhands to pull nets full of a legion of fish for the above listed amount of hours, and on top of the physically demanding side, there is not a lot of room for error. The crew and captain, most likely, have been doing this work for many years. They will expect nothing less than great work 100% of the time.
The end result to working through the season can be very lucrative, but I seek something more than money. It's that journey, that discovery. In Latin, one word for discovery is inventum. I love the root word; invent. In English, it leads you to think "create." Create your discovery. Inventum. I am on the edge of this great story.
I'd like to write about my journey with reference to the concepts, ideas, and steps of story. The first Act is ready to begin. I know the stakes of the journey, at least in part. There could be even greater ones that are unforeseen by me at this moment, but that will only enrich the experience. It's a mystery, even if I know the setting is a fishing boat in Alaska. That alone holds enough of the unknown to me that it is exciting.
If you want to experience life as exciting, wrap your head around the fact that you live a story. It isn't just a mundane set of events every day. Rather, every new day can be seen as an adventure. You wake up, it's time for work. You know the setting, but the work could be very different today. Will Jack come over to my desk and give me a few stupid anecdotes about his golfing? Will my boss recognize the work I've done today? Will my computer die on me while working on an important presentation?
Everything can be a mystery. The stakes can be high. Don't allow yourself to settle for anything less than a great story. Starting at the end of this month, mine will begin by jumping on a plane to Alaska.
I hope you come back to share in my journey.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Movie Review: The Fall
While this review is four years over due from the films release date, I just got around to watching it last night. Now before I jump into my thoughts on this film should have a disclaimer about how I'm going to start running this blog.
I'd like to start using this blog as a place to improve my writing, learn more about movies, and perhaps build a community that can discuss movies and theology openly. Not all reviews will be deeply theological, as you will see with this one.
I've decided that a great way to start a blog like that would be reviewing films. I'm going to approach it a bit differently than just a spewing of personal opinions regarding a film maker, and his work. Instead, I'm going to give a brief background on the director (and occasionally the writer) in order to build an understanding of these people's point of view. Often we watch a movie, miss the creators point, and cast it aside as a bunch of hooey because we didn't get the message. I'm not saying every review will be unbiased, and I'm not saying every movie is good, but I promise I can't write completely bureaucratically. This is an exercise to look at the theology of a film as laid out by the cinematography and story, and think critically about that worldview.
Why don't I just jump right into this new thing?
The director of "The Fall" is Tarsem Singh. You may not know his name, but I'm close to certain you've seen his work. In the mid 90's he was directing award winning music videos for REM, and making controversial Levi's commercials with Jamie Presley (My Name Is Earl), and flying around the globe for Nike, Mountain Dew and many other tiny brands. He is of the same class as guys like Spike Jonze and David Fincher; film director's who started by directing commercials for the small screen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=if-UzXIQ5vw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BXpAoBIQKU
The more I researched Tarsem and "The Fall," the more I was intrigued, inspired, and impressed with the guy. He's Indian, went to boarding school in the Himalayas, convinced his aircraft engineer father to send him to Harvard, instead won a scholarship to the Art Center College of Design, and started directing music videos. When his father found this out, he told Tarsem "you don't exist anymore."
A painful sentence to digest, and one that will echo in his film.
Tarsem would go on to be paid very well to fly the globe making landmark commercials and music videos in Japan, India, South Africa...you name it. The travels to the numerous beautiful locations would pay off, not literally, as he returned to many of them to film the epic world in "The Fall."
One of the most magnificent aspects of this film is the grandeur of each location, which are not CGI, save for cleaning out unsightly telephone poles and the like. From deserted islands to blue cities(which are real http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jodhpur), to vast deserts; this film is an epic with a personal touch.
Set in the early age of cinema, sometime between 1915-1925, we find ourselves in a Los Angeles hospital. Our main character is Alexandria, a six year old girl (Catinca Untaru) who broke her arm. She runs around the hospital, making friends with the ailing patients. Our little hero has a vivid imagination, which serves as the epic side of this film. Alexandria meets another patient, a Hollywood stuntman named Roy Walker, played by "Pushing Daisies" Lee Pace. Roy was injured while attempting a daring leap from a train bridge onto a horse.
The stuntman's drugged up, sad mind feeds Alexandria a tale that becomes the world of Tarsem's "The Fall." Cinematically, there are few comparisons, though some have described it as a "Wizard of Oz" for adults. Just imagine if all the locations in that well known movie were actually real. Tarsem spent the better part of 8 years looking for a girl to fit the role, and when he found her, he immediately began filming in a mental ward in South Africa.
Now for some more on the making of the movie, Lee Pace' character was paralyzed. Tarsem wanted the girl to fully believe that her friend was not able to walk. In order to create the illusion the only person who knew Lee was could walk on the set, was the nurse who took Lee back and forth for bathroom breaks. Talk about committed...They filmed the entirety of the hospital scenes chronologically; the first time Alexandria met Roy, was when we also first meet him. Pretty insane, huh?
The story weaves deeper as we find out that Roy will most likely never walk again, so he sends Alexandria on missions to find medicine that will "help him sleep," in return for his stories. Alexandria does his bidding, unknowingly aiding the man in a journey to a potentially sad end.
As our characters meet daily, Alexandria's imagination begins to project Roy as her father, which Roy, plays along with for the sake of the story. Eventually, though, Roy becomes increasingly adamant about finding medicine to help him sleep. Roy echo's a line similar to what Tarsem heard from his father "I'm not your father." The personal aspect of this film is evident from the heavy subject matter.
After filming the hospital scene Tarsem
Which brings me to my analysis of what Tarsem Singh believes. Tarsem was born into a Sikh family, and for those of you who don't know the Sikh religion, it is based heavily in Punjab region of India (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Punjab,_India) The religion is based on a unification with god, and they believe in equality for humankind. In "The Fall," it is clear that there is a belief of equality for humankind by the epic tale Roy tells Alexandria. She imagines five men, a former slave, an Indian (who looks very Sikh), an explosive expert, Charles Darwin (yes that one), and the masked bandit.
From the eclectic mesh of characters we see they have one goal: to defeat the evil Odious. This man has wronged each of our characters deeply, representing a sort of Satanic character, who remains largely unseen in the film. We see a battle between what feels like an unbeatable force of evil and the likes of men who have been wronged deeply in the wake of this evil.
Overall the film has a positive outlook and I think makes for a great family film, despite bouts of violence. If you are interested in a completely original, beautifully photographed movie, Tarsem's "The Fall" is for you.
I'd like to start using this blog as a place to improve my writing, learn more about movies, and perhaps build a community that can discuss movies and theology openly. Not all reviews will be deeply theological, as you will see with this one.
I've decided that a great way to start a blog like that would be reviewing films. I'm going to approach it a bit differently than just a spewing of personal opinions regarding a film maker, and his work. Instead, I'm going to give a brief background on the director (and occasionally the writer) in order to build an understanding of these people's point of view. Often we watch a movie, miss the creators point, and cast it aside as a bunch of hooey because we didn't get the message. I'm not saying every review will be unbiased, and I'm not saying every movie is good, but I promise I can't write completely bureaucratically. This is an exercise to look at the theology of a film as laid out by the cinematography and story, and think critically about that worldview.
Why don't I just jump right into this new thing?
The director of "The Fall" is Tarsem Singh. You may not know his name, but I'm close to certain you've seen his work. In the mid 90's he was directing award winning music videos for REM, and making controversial Levi's commercials with Jamie Presley (My Name Is Earl), and flying around the globe for Nike, Mountain Dew and many other tiny brands. He is of the same class as guys like Spike Jonze and David Fincher; film director's who started by directing commercials for the small screen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=if-UzXIQ5vw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BXpAoBIQKU
The more I researched Tarsem and "The Fall," the more I was intrigued, inspired, and impressed with the guy. He's Indian, went to boarding school in the Himalayas, convinced his aircraft engineer father to send him to Harvard, instead won a scholarship to the Art Center College of Design, and started directing music videos. When his father found this out, he told Tarsem "you don't exist anymore."
A painful sentence to digest, and one that will echo in his film.
Tarsem would go on to be paid very well to fly the globe making landmark commercials and music videos in Japan, India, South Africa...you name it. The travels to the numerous beautiful locations would pay off, not literally, as he returned to many of them to film the epic world in "The Fall."
One of the most magnificent aspects of this film is the grandeur of each location, which are not CGI, save for cleaning out unsightly telephone poles and the like. From deserted islands to blue cities(which are real http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jodhpur), to vast deserts; this film is an epic with a personal touch.
Set in the early age of cinema, sometime between 1915-1925, we find ourselves in a Los Angeles hospital. Our main character is Alexandria, a six year old girl (Catinca Untaru) who broke her arm. She runs around the hospital, making friends with the ailing patients. Our little hero has a vivid imagination, which serves as the epic side of this film. Alexandria meets another patient, a Hollywood stuntman named Roy Walker, played by "Pushing Daisies" Lee Pace. Roy was injured while attempting a daring leap from a train bridge onto a horse.
The stuntman's drugged up, sad mind feeds Alexandria a tale that becomes the world of Tarsem's "The Fall." Cinematically, there are few comparisons, though some have described it as a "Wizard of Oz" for adults. Just imagine if all the locations in that well known movie were actually real. Tarsem spent the better part of 8 years looking for a girl to fit the role, and when he found her, he immediately began filming in a mental ward in South Africa.
Now for some more on the making of the movie, Lee Pace' character was paralyzed. Tarsem wanted the girl to fully believe that her friend was not able to walk. In order to create the illusion the only person who knew Lee was could walk on the set, was the nurse who took Lee back and forth for bathroom breaks. Talk about committed...They filmed the entirety of the hospital scenes chronologically; the first time Alexandria met Roy, was when we also first meet him. Pretty insane, huh?
The story weaves deeper as we find out that Roy will most likely never walk again, so he sends Alexandria on missions to find medicine that will "help him sleep," in return for his stories. Alexandria does his bidding, unknowingly aiding the man in a journey to a potentially sad end.
As our characters meet daily, Alexandria's imagination begins to project Roy as her father, which Roy, plays along with for the sake of the story. Eventually, though, Roy becomes increasingly adamant about finding medicine to help him sleep. Roy echo's a line similar to what Tarsem heard from his father "I'm not your father." The personal aspect of this film is evident from the heavy subject matter.
After filming the hospital scene Tarsem
Which brings me to my analysis of what Tarsem Singh believes. Tarsem was born into a Sikh family, and for those of you who don't know the Sikh religion, it is based heavily in Punjab region of India (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Punjab,_India) The religion is based on a unification with god, and they believe in equality for humankind. In "The Fall," it is clear that there is a belief of equality for humankind by the epic tale Roy tells Alexandria. She imagines five men, a former slave, an Indian (who looks very Sikh), an explosive expert, Charles Darwin (yes that one), and the masked bandit.
From the eclectic mesh of characters we see they have one goal: to defeat the evil Odious. This man has wronged each of our characters deeply, representing a sort of Satanic character, who remains largely unseen in the film. We see a battle between what feels like an unbeatable force of evil and the likes of men who have been wronged deeply in the wake of this evil.
Overall the film has a positive outlook and I think makes for a great family film, despite bouts of violence. If you are interested in a completely original, beautifully photographed movie, Tarsem's "The Fall" is for you.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Little Beckoning
Lately I've felt a taste of mortality.
I always figured my father was going to live forever, but last year he had an incident where his heart began to beat irregularly. One day in the middle of summer he fell to a knee, in no pain, and blacked out.
Immediately my mind went through a type of fact sheet. "He's a big guy, he's had other health issues. This could be his time."
I called my family. It turned out my dad would be fine for now. I spoke to him, just to hear his thoughts about his health, life and so on.
"Hey pop, I heard you had a little scare."
"I didn't, everyone else did."
A pause.
"What do you mean, dad?"
"My only thought was that if it ended right now, I was finally going to see God."
My heart was in my throat. Potentially his final thought and it was not lined with sadness or fright. Rather a release, a final goodbye to his earthly body and the chains that force us to die.
"I think that death is the last thing we have to do before we die and get to see God. I don't see it as scary, I think it is a good thing."
It may have been the most important thing I've ever heard. It's been more than a year since that conversation, where mortality pricked my psyche, my heart, saying: I am here, know and fear me.
I ignored this little beckoning. My father survived, if anything it was as if I was jumping in a lake and holding my breathe for a few seconds longer than I should. Nothing to be afraid about.
Last week my father was going in for a check up and he was immediately admitted into the hospital. A quadruple bi-pass was in order. Essentially, sawing a man open and cutting his heart to make it work. Ancient Greeks would think we were barbarians and Vikings would be proud.
Again, this little beckoning came over me. I visited my father in the hospital. I prayed the hour-and-change car ride it takes to get home that God wouldn't take him yet. What did I learn from my last experience with my father? Only that the ones who are left behind are frightened the most.
I don't know what I expected to see in the hospital, but pipes and IVs were involved. I arrived at the nearly vacant hospitals cardiovascular ward and laid eyes upon my dad, watching some infomercial on his room TV, he was in a gown. He looked bored as a dog in a kennel. Only one IV in his hard, nothing else.
Again we talked, there at a precipice of life and death and what did we speak about? Knowing your enemy, the Cuban missile crisis, and the fairness of communists putting nuclear arms so close to the US. (To be clear, my father is not a communist...) All in all, this was not a conversation out of the ordinary for us.
Yet this time, I felt the true themes of what he was saying to me; be fair - don't take advantage of questionable times, rather know the enemy - who is Satan. Understand he will take advantage of you any chance he has.
My father wasn't different acting in fear and dread at the idea of death. As a matter of fact the one thing he did say about being in the hospital was he didn't want to pay such a big bill for a hotel room with crappy TV channels.
The surgery went well. He's recovering and I am going to see him this weekend. Though I often wish circumstances like this wouldn't bring me home to see my parents, it is often this sort of catalyst that brings us home.
A week after my fathers surgery my mother was admitted to the hospital. She had a small cut in her leg that somehow became infected. She has had diabetes for a while, and because of complications of this disease the doctors scheduled an emergency surgery.
You can only imagine my fear when I heard this happened. First, my father now my mother.
Again, this surgery went well. Both mom and dad are recovering. But my mind has been traveling to a place of reconciliation. Death is here. We need to see it. We live our lives and only recognize death when someone dies. Oh, what a dreadful mistake. In the moments when we see it's potential for sadness, we can see its true potential for happiness. If we know our loved ones are in Christ, we have nothing to fear. It is the final threshold we all must pass before we head into eternity. Our own personal crescendo that began with God's curse on man. It is a beautiful thing to see this personally.
My father and mother both love Jesus. For the last 20 years they have dedicated themselves to taking care of orphans and children - including myself. I've always thought it sounded like something out of James 1, the way my parents live and work. It is good to know they are rescued from a true death. The one that encompasses fully and does not end. That is where fear can rise. If our loved ones, or if we aren't friends of God.
Death can be a terrifying thing, but it doesn't have to be the end. Death can be a beautiful, somber reckoning with life, our loved ones, and God. I think there is something beautiful about thinking about the inter-connectivity of life and death for humans. We recognize it is not right. Death was never originally intended, but now it is a necessity.
However, it cannot deter us from living.
Introspect.
Breath.
Learn.
And keep moving.
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